January's Cult Movie of the Month - Flash Gordon (1936)

The Review

Oh, man... what a snore-fest. I only made it through the first TWO CHAPTERS of this serial.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the old cliffhangers, but it's gotta be something I have a LITTLE interest in. And not being a Flash Gordon fan....

What can I say?

Speaking of interest, I'm not so sure about this new calendar I got. I went with one called "Cult Attack" (versus last year's "Monster Movies" calendar). When I got it, I was a little disappointed at some of the movies in it....

And TWO of the months don't even HAVE movies, they're PULP COVERS. I mean, I love the pulps too, but when you're trying to do a Monster MOVIE of the Month....

Anyway.... If you ARE a Flash Gordon fan, or just curious, click through for a chapter by chapter synopsis (that I didn't write)....

Synopsis - shamelessly stolen from Wikipedia.com

1. The Planet of Peril: The planet Mongo is on a collision course with Earth. Dr. Alexis Zarkov takes off in a rocket ship to Mongo, with Flash Gordon and Dale Arden as his assistants. They find that the planet is ruled by the cruel Emperor Ming, who lusts after Dale and sends Flash to fight in the arena. Ming's daughter, Princess Aura, tries to spare Flash's life.

2. The Tunnel of Terror: Aura helps Flash to escape as Zarkov is put to work in Ming's laboratory and Dale is prepared for her wedding to Ming. Flash meets Prince Thun, leader of the Lion Men, and the pair return to the palace to rescue Dale.

3. Captured by Shark Men: Flash stops the wedding ceremony, but he and Dale are captured by King Kala, ruler of the Shark Men and a loyal follower of Ming. At Ming's order, Kala forces Flash to fight with a giant octosak.

4. Battling the Sea Beast: Aura and Thun rescue Flash from the octosak. Trying to keep Flash away from Dale, Aura destroys the mechanisms that regulate the underwater city.

5. The Destroying Ray: Flash, Dale, Aura and Thun escape from the underwater city, but are captured by King Vultan and the Hawkmen. Dr. Zarkov befriends Prince Barin, and they race to the rescue.

6. Flaming Torture: Dale pretends to fall in love with King Vultan in order to save Flash, Barin and Thun, who are put to work in the Hawkmen's Atom Furnaces.

7. Shattering Doom: Flash, Barin, Thun and Zarkov create an explosion in the atomic furnaces.

8. Tournament of Death: Dr. Zarkov saves the Hawkmen's city from falling, earning Flash and his friends King Vultan's gratitude. Ming insists that Flash fight a Tournament of Death against a masked opponent, and then a vicious orangopoid.

9. Fighting the Fire Dragon: Flash survives the tournament. Still determined to win Flash, Aura has him drugged to make him lose his memory.

10. The Unseen Peril: Flash recovers his memory. Ming is determined to have Flash executed.

11. In the Claws of the Tigron: Zarkov invents a machine that makes Flash invisible. Flash torments Ming and his guards. Barin hides Dale in the catacombs, but Aura has her tracked by a tigron.

12. Trapped in the Turret: Aura realizes the error of her ways, and falls in love with Barin. She tries to help Flash and his friends to return to Earth — but Ming plots to kill them.

13. Rocketing to Earth: Ming orders that the Earth people be caught and killed, but Flash and his friends escape from the emperor's clutches. Flash, Dale and Zarkov make a triumphant return to Earth.

NOT EVEN ONE LONELY BRAIN

(In space no one can hear your brain....)

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The Trailer

Couldn't find one anywhere....

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The Details

Director: Frederick Stephani

Writers: Alex Raymond (based on the comic strip by) & Ella O'Neill (screenplay)

Release Date: 6 April 1936 (USA)

Genre : Sci-Fi

Tagline: THRILLING STRANGE WORLD ADVENTURES!!!

Cast
Buster Crabbe - Flash Gordon
Jean Rogers - Dale Arden
Charles Middleton - Ming the Merciless
Priscilla Lawson - Princess Aura
Frank Shannon - Dr. Alexis Zarkov
Richard Alexander - Prince Barin
Jack 'Tiny' Lipson - King Vultan
Theodore Lorch - High Priest #2
Richard Tucker - Prof. Gordon
George Cleveland - Prof. Hensley
James Pierce - Prince Thun
Duke York - King Kala
Muriel Goodspeed - Zona
Earl Askam - Officer Torch
House Peters Jr. - Shark Man

Terminatrix (1995)

lame softcore masquerades as robot movie

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The Review

I knew better, I really did.

But it was about robots! Was I supposed to just walk away from that? Even when I knew it was an unheard of sexploitation flick, that it couldn't possibly have had the budget to include any cool robot scenes?

I couldn't stop myself. It was a robot movie I hadn't seen (and there are so few of those anymore); I had to take the chance.

It was a total bust. My first *no brains* review. Some slue about sex being regulated in the future and a rebellion of free love led by some lady and a killer cyborg sent back in time to off the lady's dad before he conceived her.

Sound familiar? Okay, I knew it was a Terminator spoof when I put it in the queue. Even then, I wasn't prepared for the banality of the film. No cool robot scenes. None. All robotic coolness was implied and not seen.

Plenty of ridiculous simulated sex scenes, though. Seen and not implied.

Sigh.

In the immortal words of Melvin Udall, "I'd be the luckiest guy alive if that did it for me".

It's a NO BRAINER.

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The Trailer

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The Details

Cast
Yuuki Fujisawa
Saeko Ichijou
Kei Mizutani ... Terminatrix

Director
Mikio Hirota

MPAA Rating
Unrated (for nudity, simulated sex and lame dialogue)

Runtime
74 minutes

Language
Japanese with English subtitles

Link
Terminatrix at IMDB