Monday, December 28, 2015

I couldn't help myself: Lady Battle Cop Revisited

You might be wondering what more I could possibly have to say about Lady Battle Cop, having just written an involved (read "involved" as "long winded") first post on this little movie. Well, the truth is I went a little nuts gathering information on that first go-around, and I've got a bunch of stuff left over I don't want to see go to waste.

Besides, the first post was more or less just a walkthrough of the movie's plot. Didn't you find yourself still hungry, afterwards, for more information on LBC herself? Of course you did!

AND NOW THAT HUNGER WILL BE SATISFIED because, having gone through that leftover stuff, I found some things we can use to take a closer look at LBCs "powers and abilities," so to speak. And let's be honest, the movie itself did a lousy job of telling us the details of LBCs cyborg-ness. I already talked about what I decided she is, cyborg-wise, in the first post, so I won't rehash that (too much) here.

Lady Battle Cop: The Nuts and Bolts

Basically, I decided (from admittedly limited evidence) that LBC has a human brain integrated into an android body, and uses removable battle armor for additional protection. I'm sure having an android body gives her superhuman strength, and it's got to be more durable than the average human body is. But since she never leaves the house without that armor, I'm guessing android durability only goes so far.

Okay, strength and armor aside, let's see what else LBC brings to a fight.

Well, her most obvious offensive tool is that big gun she's always waving around. It's an Ammo-Replicator, on account of it never runs out of bullets. Ever. Well, I'd have to go back to the movie for another look to be sure, but I don't think LBC ever stops to reload it. Not onscreen, at least. I could be wrong.

Anyway, this is definitely her weapon of choice and she uses it in most of her justice-dispensing. Only a few bad guys go out some other way.
But gun or no gun, she has a few other tricks up her sleeve. Or in her arm, as the case may be. Yep, LBC is the proud owner of a Wrist Rocket Grenade.

Which is definitely cool, what with her forearm sliding open and that rocket moving up into firing position and all. But I also have to say it causes a problem for the whole "I have a human-looking body inside this battle armor" premise, because that rocket mechanism clearly fills the entire arm cavity leaving no room at all for an actual arm. Still, cool.
And if someone has a cool arm thing, why not complement it with a cool leg thing? LBC does just that, having a set of Jet-Assist Rockets in her boots. She doesn't use them to fly around or anything (for heaven's sake, people, let's be realistic).

But she does use 'em: once to counteract the blast from her wrist rocket so it doesn't knock her over as she fires it, and once to give herself some needed leverage while tearing a big wrench out of a psychic assassin's belly. I know. Sounds gruesome. It was. See the first post for details on that.

The only other weapon LBC uses, that we see, is her... uh... Earring Garrote. (Okay. I may have made that name up. Along with the names of all her other weapons).

Anyway. So I'd noticed, earlier in the film, LBC sporting this big dangly earring-thingy on the side of her helmet, and figured it was just for show. But then later on in the middle of a fight, she grabs this thing, hurls it across the room with razor wire trailing behind it, and slices up a bad guy. And that really is the best I can explain it. But pictures help:

See? Grab. Hurl. Slice.

Okay. We're almost done, here. We've covered all of LBCs most obvious assets, but what about the not so obvious ones? Turns out she's got a few of those, too.

At various points during the movie (mostly when she's fighting), we get a POV Cyborg Cam where we're seeing through LBCs eyes. And when that happens, we're privy to her personal Heads-Up Display, which clues us in on a few Cyborg Powers not easily spotted otherwise.

Check these out:

Cyborg Power #1: Thermal Imaging
Cyborg Power #2: Combat Analysis
Cyborg Power #3: Database Access
Cyborg Power #4: Targeting System
Cyborg Power #5: Telescopic Vision
Cyborg Power #6: X-Ray Vision

And that's it, really. NOW I've said all I can possibly say about Lady Battle Cop.

Well that's not quite true. I am (mostly) done talking, but I'm adding an appendix with a few more images that I think are cool and/or interesting, but don't really warrant a whole lot more conversation.

So here that is.

Appendix of All Things LBC

I was a tiny bit surprised to see that Lady Battle Cop was released in so many different formats. I know the DVD was fairly recent, but I think the VHS, LaserDisc and VCD were all original 1990 (or soon after) releases.

It even got multiple soundtrack releases: a full soundtrack and a CD Single of both of the movie's theme songs. (More about those theme songs in the first post, too.)

Just a couple of random images here, one from a magazine article (wish whoever put this up had uploaded the entire article... and translated it to English) and then one I'm assuming is from a calendar. (I would have totally bought an LBC calendar. Just saying.)

And this next bit is interesting:

Far as I could tell, there was never an official "sold in stores" action figure of LBC, but it looks like at least a couple of fans took it upon themselves to create custom figures.

The first doll (pics 1-3) is much more movie-accurate than the second one (pics 4-7), which has more of an anime style and has been really overtly sexualized. I've included a link to the site where I found the second doll, because there are several more images to see if you're interested. Both sites I found the dolls on were in Japanese, and Google Translate being less than helpful, I can't say much more about 'em.

Various and sundry, with a cooler gun than in the movie.
With the facial armor in place.
This first doll is impressively accurate right up until that helmet comes off. But
then, where are you gonna find a doll head likeness of Azusa Nakamura?
The second doll from the front, with facial armor retracted.
From the back, with junk in the trunk.
With facial armor in place. And I believe the word
you're looking for with those breasts is "conical."
Doll fetish much? (Pretty impressive articulation, though, you gotta admit.)


Friday, December 4, 2015

Jaws: How big was that shark?

Who hasn't watched all four Jaws movies, read all three Jaws novels, and then wondered how all those sharks would measure up if they were standing (swimming) next to each other?

I know I have. And I can't be the only one, right? (Right?)

Well. Assuming I'm not the only one, we're gonna run through all seven sources and see what each had to say about this extremely important topic.

Alrighty then. Let's see... how to go about it? Movies first? Books first? Chronological order, regardless of media type? Yeah, that works. So it's:
  • Jaws (Novel) 1974
  • Jaws (Movie) 1975
  • Jaws 2 (Novel) 1978
  • Jaws 2 (Movie) 1978
  • Jaws 3-D (Movie) 1983
  • Jaws: The Revenge (Novel) 1987
  • Jaws: The Revenge (Movie) 1987
Technically, all three novels were published before their corresponding movies were released. In the case of Jaws 2 and Jaws: The Revenge, since they were actually novelizations taken from early-draft movie scripts, that amounted to being published just two or three months before those films hit theaters. Jaws-novel, on the other hand, was a real-life book that had its own bonafide existence well before Jaws-movie was ever in the works. But you probably already knew that, and we're not really here to delve into the dark recesses of each book/movie anyway--we're just comparing sharks.

Oh, and did I mention I created a shark graphic, just for this very post? Well I did, 'cause that's how I roll. But that comes later. Let's look at the book/movie references first.

Before that, we should find out how big an actual, non-movie-monster, great white shark is likely to be. According to Wikipedia (who tells no lies) your garden variety great white would be anywhere from 12 to 16 feet long. In fact, we have Wikipedia to thank for the (on the larger end of) average shark-drawing below, which is swimming alongside a very brave/foolhardy but proportionate human-drawing. And since no human-drawing should be without a name, we'll call this one Hooper.

Hooper has no problem swimming with an average-sized great white.

Even this average, non-movie-monster, great white shark looks pretty intimidating to me. That mouth could certainly remove Hooper's leg in one bite, and be the death of him with just one or two more. (I guess removing a leg would be the death of you, if you were in the middle of the ocean.) But you know what I mean. Let's move on.

Jaws (Novel)

So, this is our introduction to movie-monster sharks, as a species, and author Peter Benchley takes his damn sweet time giving us any real idea of the size of this fish. I'd actually recently reread the book, but (of course) didn't make a note of if or when the size of the shark is mentioned. "But it must be in the first few pages," I thought to myself, "so I'll just thumb through the first chapter until I run across it." (...229 pages later...)

Benchley did sprinkle a few clues along the way, though. We start on pages 75 and 80 (in the 1991 Fawcett Crest edition, anyway) with a tooth and some toothy-estimates:
Into Brody's palm Hendricks dropped a triangle of glistening white denticle. It was nearly two inches long.
[Brody] flipped the tooth to Hooper, who turned it over in his hand.
Harry Meadows: "How big?"
Hooper: "I can't be sure, but big. Fifteen, twenty feet."
 And when the fellows eventually meet the actual fish, on pages 226 and 227, more estimates ensue:
Hooper: "That head must have been four feet across."

Hooper: "How long, would you say?"
Quint: "Hard to tell. Twenty feet. Maybe more."
Until finally Quint gives us his real-for-true expert estimate on page 229:
Quint: "I put that fish at twenty feet, so I'd say they grow to twenty feet. If I see one tomorrow that's twenty-five feet, I'll say they grow to twenty-five feet."
That was a long time comin'. But now we know: 20 feet. And the measuring gets a lot easier from here.

Jaws (Movie)

Jaws-movie clues us in at the same place the book did, story-wise: when the fellows first meet the fish:

And, by golly, this shark has a good 5 feet over Benchley's. Do I spy a trend in the making?

Jaws 2 (Novel)

Ah. Much quicker and to the point, Jaws 2-novel tells us what we want to know by page 8:
At 30 feet and almost two tons, she was longer than a killer whale and heavier by half.
That was easy. And, true to form, the shark is bigger still.

Jaws 2 (Movie)

Hmm. We never actually get a size in Jaws 2-movie. (Lame.) Closest we come is when shark-expert-lady says this:

Psht! Well, we know that, don't we?

Jaws 3-D (Movie)

Sadly, no novelization for Jaws 3, but we get our movie estimate about two thirds through:

Indeed it would, and indeed it was. Our biggest shark yet.

Jaws: The Revenge (Novel)

Revenge-novel follows 2-novel's lead, by being very straightforward and to the point on page 3:
He was twenty-eight feet long and weighed three thousand pounds.
No thumbing through three-quarters of a book for information, here. And the fellow is actually down-sized this time around.

Jaws: The Revenge (Movie)

Revenge-movie (also) follows 2-movie's lead, by telling us absolutely nothing about the shark. It's "big." Bah.

And that's it. So with 2-movie and Revenge-movie both wimping out by giving us not even an estimate on their sharks, that leaves us with three book sharks and two movie sharks with actual sizes--five sharks in all.

Which means it's time for our graphic:


ADDENDUM: And now (like the first two commenters on this post) you're wondering how big that Roger Kastel paperback cover/movie poster shark up top really is, aren't you? You're thinking to yourself "20-25 feet?! That thing looks way bigger than that!" Well it is, and you can find out just HOW big by following this link.