Bookstore Saturday: Electric Boogaloo

A Bookstore Saturday happened. 

It almost didn't. We (the missus and I) were two bookstores in and had yet to find a store that suitably fit the requirements. As a reminder, Bookstore Saturday Requirements (BsSR) include the following:

1. Takes place on a Saturday (negotiable)
2. In a used bookstore (smattering of new allowed)
3. Involves 2 or more hours of in-store browsing (is it even possible to do less?)
4. Store must honor Used Bookstore Gods in look, feel and browsing experience

And in case you're wondering, requirement number 4 was the stumbling block. It usually is.

You know what Bookstore Gods hate? They hate when bookstore proprietors don't give horror its own section of shelves in their store. 

You want Bookstore Gods down on your neck, breathing all heavy and wet in your ear, just decide horror is not an actual genre and stick whatever horror titles you have in with "Mystery and Thriller." 

Or worse yet, just sprinkle those few horror titles you bother to stock in amongst your gigantic, sprawling "General Fiction" section that's already taking up half your shelf space.

Bookstore Gods are really pretty easy to get along with, as long as you don't cross them and as long as you don't make a mockery of sacred Genre Law. But if that's how you wanna roll, do it at your own risk. Just saying.

Okay. Harbinger Duty complete; let's get on to all the groovy books I found in this exceptionally groovy bookstore that does indeed honor all Bookstore Deities, major, middlin' and minor and had a horror section with shelves stacked three deep.

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Now I almost named this BsS post's title after this book, it being a sequel to Michael Crichton's The Andromeda Strain and all, but "Bookstore Saturday: Evolution" just sounded dumb to me. So I picked a sequel suffix out of a hat and went with "Electric Boogaloo" instead. Because "electric boogaloo" is such an amazing word combination that it could never sound dumb. Ever.

Can't say I've actually seen the original Breakin' film let alone its sequel. But my sister has.

So I do have the original Crichton novel on my shelf, but it's been a long time since I've read it and I think I'll be giving it a revisit before I jump into this one.

I think this is the newest one of the haul, this time. 2019, it was published. Clearly the publisher decided to bank on Crichton's name over the fellow who actually wrote this book. Daniel H. Wilson is a readily recognizable name to me, but I suppose Crichton does have him beat as far as whole-world-recognition. For NOW.

Still I might be a tiny bit miffed to toil away at a novel and then have my name down at the bottom in wee font. Probably Mr. Wilson is a better man than I and has no issue.

At any rate, I've read three or four other books by Daniel Wilson and loved them, so I've got no fear in me about whether or not I'll enjoy this once I do get to it.

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Okay, so John Saul is a reasonable bet with most of his books, but then you show me (almost) any book with the word "creature" for its title and I'm on the hook.

That being said, I'll be pretty darn surprised if I don't get into this one and realize I'd already read it back in the day. At first I was thinking it's the novel they based the 80s Watchers film off of, but pretty quickly realized than was Koontz, not Saul.

Still. Looks awfully familiar, front and back. It's older; first published in 1989. But... it didn't ring enough of a bell for me not to slap it into my book basket anyway. So we'll see...

Uh, front cover is giving me... Football Ape-man vibes. Those aren't two words I'd expect to go together... That back cover blurb has me cheering in the stands, though.

For one thing, we got that "rebuild him" bit in there. That appeals to my cyborg-love-ness. Then they've got the "won't hurt him again... they won't dare." Boohwaaauughaaauuughaaauuugh!

Huh. I was going for a kind of maniacal laugh there, but it sounds more like someone is choking or something. Anyway. Next book.

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Oooooh... I love me a good Evil Kid book or movie. And what's better than just a standalone-all-on-his-own Evil Kid? (Why, Evil Twins, of course!)

And bonus points for kids who don't just settle for sociopath-evil but really go the distance to be supernatural-evil. 

Like these two apparently are.

Haven't heard of this author before, even after digging down through the pen names (Rosalind Erskine; Laura Black; Ivor Drummond; Frank Parrish; Domini Taylor; Megan Barker and Grania Beckford) to find one Roger Longrigg. I'm excited for this one, too.

I think this is probably the oldest of what I picked up this time - first published in 1984 although mine's a couple of years newer. Peter and Pandora. I mean, Peter's fine but you'd think the girl's name alone would be enough to warn you off...

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Okay. Next up.

If you know me at all you know it was the word "golem" that got me to pick this one up for a closer look. I love a good (or not so good) man made men story. Before tossing it into my basket, I really just checked to make sure it wasn't some police procedural with some serial killer that some newspapermen were calling "the golem" or whatever. 

That would be lame.

But, between those font and back cover blurbs it seems a safe bet it's got some sweet supernatural shenanigans going for it. This one's more recent, published in 2014.

Also, these guys are a father and son writing team. On the father's end, I wanna say I've maybe heard of his Alex Delaware character? But can't say I've read anything from either of these fellows before.

Oh, and if this one IS a good read, there's a sequel...

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Nature does make mistakes. And Big Bird says that is a-okay.

Not sure why I grabbed this one. I mean, I picked it up because it looked like some kind of creature feature and I'm a sucker for 'em. But I'm not as big on cryptids as I am on more standard fare - killer regular animals or killer giant regular animals or animals being messed with by science-hubris with terrible results. 

Still, this could be a good read. It's fairly recent - got a 2016 date on it.

Actually, cryptid-wise, I took this guy to be Mothman at first. Don't know too much about Mothman, but he's my pal River's favorite cryptid, so I know a little about him. 

Know next to nothing about the Jersey Devil.

Ohhh. Hunter Shea. Thought that name sounded familiar. I've totally read at least two others of his books. Pretty good.

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Well, I'm always on the lookout for a decent werewolf novel. I say "decent" because, like werewolf movies, there are fewer out there than other classic monsters enjoy, and what there is tends (also like their film counterparts) to run a little subpar. 

So decent is good enough; I'll take it. Here's hopin'.

This one was actually the third or fourth werewolf novel in the horror section, but damned if the others weren't all of the paranormal romance variety, of which I am not a fan. Not a fan of romance in general (book-wise - I do love a quality film romance or rom-com) let alone paranormal romance novels.

But this one looks to be pretty romance-free so I'm giving it a try.

Hadn't heard of Ray Garton, and looking him up it seems he died fairly recently. Also seems he had a long and prolific career as a horror writer. So this pick-up is looking better and better.

And speaking of werewolves getting short shrift, the author himself feels just about like I do on the subject.

This one is from 2008, and it also has a sequel, so if it hits the spot I can seek out the followup.

Well then.

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Sea Horror. Mmmmmmm. 

This one was another no brainer to put in the cart. It was published in 1999 - just squeaking by as a 90s horror novel. Can't really tell much about particulars from the cover and blurbs, but I'm happy to take my chances it'll be at least fair and hopefully more than.

James Powlik apparently is an oceanographer who also writes! Good combination, I say. Ooh, and he has a giant tsunami thriller as well. Guess I'll be giving that one a try, too.

But. Only a slight downer - while looking up the author's details, I inadvertently discovered this book is about deadly algae blooms. Which doesn't sound very exciting. But I'm still down to give it a go. I still am.

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More Sea Horror! Mmmmmmm.

Look, I'm not gonna just assume that algae bloom up there isn't a good read, but this next sea horror (from 2003 in case you wuz wundrun) has an eyeball, which probably means it has teeth and wants to eat us. 

So that's good. Kind of looks like an otter eye. I didn't just buy a book about killer hairless otters, did I? Probably not. Anyway, we shall see once I get to this one.

Ooh. This author looks like he might have some other stuff to check out as well. Bunch of sea thrillers. Bunch of regular thrillers. Bunch of mysteries. Sweet.

Oh. Author research also gave me the sea horror's identity here - sounds like it's an unknown species of dolphin. Which sounds more exciting than algae. Or otters.

It shall be interesting...

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And, we finish up with the good old tried and true man of steel. Hard to go wrong, here. And this is the only nonfiction book I picked up this time around. I've actually got... probably several... Superman histories of one kind or another, but I'm always down for one more.

This is from 2012, and author Larry Tye looks to also be a journalist, and has a pretty eclectic bibliography. I think this one'll be a fun read too. Maybe give me some info not already rattling around my head on the subject.

Wow. Looks like the book has endorsements from no less than Noel Neill, Jack Larson and Richard Donner. ( ! ) 

That's sayin' somethin'.

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And that about wraps it up. Bookstore Saturday Success (BsSS)! 

If you like books, or bookstores, or are just super bored, you can read some other Bookstore Saturday shenanigans here. 

You are lucky.

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Better a Broken (Poster) Promise Than None at All

Mark Twain said that. 

The thing about promises. Well, minus the (poster) part.

Supposedly he was commenting on the idea that even if a promise gets broken, having at least made it in the first place shows some amount of good intention. I don't know if that's always the case in real life, but it's a nice sentiment. 

Now you might be asking why this particular quote is bumping around in the ol' (deadmans) brain today. And if you are, the answer would be 'cause I've been scrolling through the ol' deadmans Letterboxd watched list, and reflecting on a few films I've seen where Poster Promises either were or were Not Fulfilled (PPF or PPNF). 

And of course I didn't just fall off the turnip truck. In fact, I'm a long time passenger on the advertising-exists-to-sell-things-not-to-tell-the-truth-about-them truck. I've been buying questionable things out of the back of that truck for many a year, truth be told. So I get it: you promise what you need to in order to make the sale. 

Still. Some take this philosophy further than others. I mean, there's breaking a promise and then there's shattering a promise into tiny sharp shards that cut you until blood makes a heart shaped stain on your soul.

That went a little dark.

Really I just thought I'd throw out a few vintage creature features where a poster promised more, creature-wise, than a film actually delivered. Or maybe some did deliver. I guess we'll see. 

As I go I'll say a word or two about each, whatever springs to mind. Unless nothing springs, which sometimes happens. Fair warning.

So here we go. In alphabetical order, cause that's how I'm rolling today.

A*P*E (1976) 

 

The Promise

not to be confused

Let's see... we got giant shark defied... 

(sorry to insert but every time i read "giant shark defied" my brain changes it to "giant shark defiled" and i don't like the image that brings up for me in my head. no, i do not like it at all. end of insert.)

city destroyed... ocean liner demolished... giant "monster reptile" snake vanquished... apparently all at the same time. Fury of the ten-ton variety. Screen-leaping (and to be fair the film was actually shot in 3D). 

Whew! So much going on here! I'm excited to see this epic story play out...

The Reality

(PPNF)

i am a giant ape
this is not a toy cow

Um... smallish man... ill-fitting ape suit... someone's back lawn... tiny plastic cow. 

Of course, technically the movie did have shark battling-city destroying-ship sinking-snake vanquishing stuff in it, but it was all plastic cow-level shark battling-city destroying-ship sinking-snake vanquishing stuff. Definitely not as promised.

Anyway, I recall my first viewing of this film. That Not Kong Not Jaws Grudge Match was pretty much the first scene of the movie and not only was it was over QUICK, I remember thinking "that little shark the actor is throwing around is dead. They killed a baby shark for this thing." I don't know if that's true but it looked dead.

Hmm... wait. You know, now that I think about it, my very VERY first, pre-poster, eyes-on artwork for this film was more likely the amazing cover Bob Larkin did for Famous Monsters of Filmland #146 below. Check it out:

pretty sure in this version of things the ape was eaten by the shark
swimmer was dessert

 

What an eyeball-feast this cover is! Shark is definitely front and center here. And our poor cover-ape (heroic, unlike his movie-ape twin) is trying so hard to keep his human-lady-love (who never even meets the shark in-film) from being chomped down upon. Doesn't look like he's doing too good a job of things though. Great painting nonetheless. Even if it, too, does not fulfill promises.

Moving on to the next movie... and please be patient as I prep it - no need to get crabby.

 

Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)

 

The Promise

is that crab monster sleepy or bored?
or... is he BOTH?

This poster reminds me of something you'd see on an old pulp magazine cover, you know? The colors and style, I mean. Wonder who painted it? (One quick but semi-thorough search later...) I don't know. Nothing readily available on the web. Gotta be a book out there, or some specialist website or something, right? Well, if anybody knows clue me in.

As far as poster promises go, this one doesn't really go over the moon, does it? Just a big sleepy crab monster, holding swim-clad Pamela Duncan aloft in it's fearsome claw, preparing to tear her asunder. Some Sea Depths. A few Terror Tidal Waves.

I think those are supposed to be crab-monster-antenna or something on its face, right? But that poster makes it look like ol' CM's got jets of water squirting out of his nostrils instead. You agree? I'm not alone here, am I?

The Reality

(PPF)

corn on the crab for dinner tonight

Well honestly this film doesn't do too badly with its fulfillment. Crab is as described, mostly. A little smaller, maybe. Not quite as drowsy looking, which is probably a good thing.

Huh. Is it me or does this actually-in-the-movie crab monster look a little geriatric? "Damn you kids! Get off my beach or I'll gnaw you like an ear of corn at the county fair!"

I don't think Ms. Duncan ever actually gets held aloft by a crab in-film, but then it's been quite a few years since I've given it a proper watch. She does at least appear swim-clad while being menaced by a giant crab, as evidenced by this groovy behind the scenes photo I came across. 

Cool, huh?

if only these two film crew gents can distract the beast for a few more seconds
i can make it over to that out-of-shot motorbike and escape

Now, let's move along to the kitchen... ah, mall... kitchen store... to get us some knives to chop our - oh fuckit never mind. Chopping Mall is the next movie.

 

Chopping Mall (1986)

 

The Promise

i spy with my little eye

Not gonna lie. First time I saw this artwork I thought it was a zombie arm holding that shopping bag. I think it's the way those little indentations and stuff on the hand were done - they looked more like pus pockets or bite marks than they did, I dunno, robot rivets or whatever. And those wires coming out the elbow looked like veins or torn flesh. To me. And that first time, since I'm not a big zombie fan, I was probably a bit dismissive. 

But once I figured out it was supposed to be a robot arm, man I was all in. Specifically, it was an android robot arm. I mean, this poster clearly and unequivocally promises one or more killer androids rampaging through a shopping mall, does it not? 

I was SO EXCITED because I love killer android movies, and this was totally gonna be one of those. Killer androids are creepy, with their whole uncanny valley thing going on. You think it's a human being but something is just a little off and you don't know quite what until that first wound gets inflicted and OH MY GOD THERE ARE GEARS AND WIRES IN THAT PERSON'S ARM! Love the reveal. 

So much cooler than those lame little roly-poly-tank-tread robots like the one they had in Deadly Friend (1986)...

The Reality

(PPNF)

excuse me (deadly) friend, may i borrow your lawn mower

no. get your own fucking lawn mower, mall cop

Oh. Well then.

Now don't get me wrong, I love this movie. Own it on Blu-ray and pull it out for regular re-watches. But the first time I ever saw it, with that killer android poster art fueling my expectations... man was I pissed. 

And it's not like you gotta have a shit ton of money to make a decent lo-budge android - look no further than 1990's Crash and Burn for proof of that:

bill moseley in the lo-budge android makeup chair

lo-budge and holdin' a grudge

So yeah. Chopping Mall is not delivering on the very most important of it's promised promises. Bastards.

Still. A blast to watch. (And so is Deadly Friend.)

Okay. On to some intergalactic (or at least interplanetary) devilry.

Devil Girl From Mars (1954)

 

The Promise

i and my voluptuous curves menace you and so does my giant robot
who also has voluptuous curves

Definitely some promises being made here: We got menace. We got terror. We got a statuesque-lady-in-form-fitting-bodysuit, staring out impassively as she decides the FATE OF THE WORLD. We got male-fear-recoiling and female-leg-clutching. 

And we've got a damn cool looking robot henchman standing guard to the right, there. Run! Flee from the exceedingly cool giant robot!

The Reality

(PPNF)

and over here we have the latest model of our martian portable stereo console
and it costs less than you think!

Okay. Elephant in the room: Little misrepresentation on the robot front I think. I mean, we just finished talking about Chopping Mall, so I can't be too hard on this guy, right? He's at least got legs and feet, doesn't he?

But c'mon, scroll back up to that poster for a minute will you? Yes, poster-bot has legs as well. But that's honestly about the only similarity you'll find. Poster-bot also has gleaming metallic skin and swelling metal pecs and abs. Cool swishes and swips in his design. Poster-bot has hips for godssake!

Movie-bot has no hips. Movie-bot looks like that gigantic home stereo console, with phonograph, tuner and eight track all embedded in its depths, that I used to marvel at as a kid whenever we visited my grandma's house.

And the bot is not our only glaring misrepresentation, either. Let's take a gander at statuesque-lady-in-form-fitting-bodysuit, shall we?

couldn't find her ruler so gonna rap some knuckles with this kitchen mixer

Let me introduce you to stern-schoolmarm-from-mars. During summer break she moonlights selling intergalactic vintage home stereo consoles. With phonographs. And eight tracks. 

No fault of actress Patricia Laffan though - she wasn't a stern schoolmarm in real life. She was a lovely English stage, film, television and radio actress and also a fashion impresario, as we can see by this escalator portrait taken while not wearing her martian devil girl costume.

lovely woman

I had to look that up - fashion impresario. One of those terms I recognize but don't have more than a vague definition for. It means someone who is a creative force in the fashion industry who combines art and business to shape the fashion landscape. Good for her.

Oh. And while we're at it, this movie little to no fear-recoiling, and no leg-clutching either. This is one of the more stilted, low energy, talk-don't-show films I've seen. Characters stand about almost boredly discussing the FATE OF THE WORLD - discussers wanted, no leg-clutchers or fear-recoilers need apply.

Okay. Let's move a bit closer to home for the next film; maybe even head down onto the ol' bayou. (Insert chorus from "Down on the Bayou" into your head... NOW. Good song. Great band.)

 

Frogs (1972)

 

The Promise

ribwrist... ribwrist...

EVERY time I see this poster art I think of a giant frog who for whatever reason decided to have his frog tongue surgically swapped out with a human forearm. That's weird, right? 

Why would he do that?

Anyway, poster promises: for sure we're being promised a giant frog or two - that guy on the poster is the size of a small to medium-sized dog. Looks apparent that we'll have some humans-as-frog's-breakfast, too. Nature will be striking back, with large (tidal waves are large) amounts of slithering, devouring and destroying.

The Reality

(PPNF)

oh the horror!
i am not putting that cake anywhere near my mouth

So yeah. In spite of being a reasonably fun watch, this film includes no giant frogs. Or giant anything else's. Also no people-eating. Some people-killing, to be sure, but no eating. 

On the plus side, it's got a lot more than angry frogs going for it. Has a whole swamp-full of angry vengeance seeking critters - snakes, spiders, lizards and more. 

Although to be honest the animal wranglers had a pretty tough time getting any of those critters to look awake and interested, let alone angry and vengeance-seeking. Hard to blame the handlers. Reptiles and insects have a notoriously limited range when it comes to acting.

Also, this movie has a baby-faced-sans-mustache Sam Elliott in it, which is it's own fun.

master of the lip bonsai

And WHAT Sam Elliott has been married to Katharine Ross since 1984?! I had no idea...

 

Great White (1981) 

 

The Promise

look let's not haggle that's an amazing poster amirite

Let's be honest it would be tough for nearly any film to do this poster proud, especially back in 1981 - this is a GREAT poster. 

And this poster's promise is all about the fish. A Megalodon-sized fish. A crafty, stealthy son-of-a-fitch fish. A fish who gleefully, even wickedly grins as he prepares to snarf down his unsuspecting morsel, which morsel only wanted a nice tan and is that reason enough to be kilt off by a Wicked Megalodon Fitch? It is not. 

We mourn this morsel as we know corpses do not keep their tans long at all.

The Reality

(PPNF)

rubber duckie you're the one
you make bath time lots of fun
rubber duckie i'm awfully fond of you

A big, plastic, bobbing fish head, with two guys under the water, holding it upright so it doesn't just upend and float away. Okay, I have no idea if there are two guys underneath holding it in place, or even what it's made of, but that shark prop is shit. 

Movie's a fun watch, though, as long as you go into with the right attitude. (Hint: "I can't wait to see these amazing shark effects!" is not the right attitude.)

Onward to an invasion... of sorts.

 

Invasion of the Saucer-Men (1957)

 

The Promise

i don't know what to say except that i still long to see the movie this poster promises

This one is also a great poster. Maybe not as iconic a feeling as the one Great White has going for it, but still. And this poster just lays it all out for you, right? You will...

SEE teenagers vs. the (gigantic!) Saucer-men! 

SEE disembodied hand that crawls! 

SEE night the world nearly ended! 

SEE earth (or at the very least one of its larger cities) attacked by (three if not more) flying saucers!

The Reality

(PPNF)

come to hollywood they said
it'll be a thrill a minute they said

Okay, first things first: hard to imagine any of these fellows holding a full grown woman aloft in one hand. A little hard to imagine even if all three worked together using both hands.

And I know, it's a bit of a cheek to compare a behind the scenes photo to the excitement of that poster. But honestly, this photo is pretty indicative of the film as a whole.

As for world-ending, large cities and multiple saucers, it's been awhile but what I remember is a small backwoods town and just one saucer that I think the army blows up without meaning to. 

The crawling hand is totally delivered on, though.

But like some of the others, this is also a fun little film and, in spite of it's PPNF status, filled with charm and purposefully silly dialogue. Based on a short story that ends a bit more darkly than this movie does, as well. Just sayin'.

So, on to the next movie, lest we lose track of time and forget...

 

The Land That Time Forgot (1974)

 

The Promise

wait is that 2013's Poseidon Rex down in that corner, way back in 1974?

Well, I just love this film so you're not gonna see a lot of hate from me here. And I will say that pretty much everything we see on that poster, we also see in the film. Except the aquatic T-Rex/Allosaur.

The Reality

(PPF)

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Well. Loving the movie as well as feeling like it lives up to its poster promise clearly does not stop me from including this hilarious animated GIF. Way too good to pass up.

The GIF, in fact, makes the movie's effects out to be much worse than they are in reel life. The film's dinos were actually quite nicely realized (mostly as rod puppets) by a very talented fellow name of Roger Dicken.

And lest you wonder, by "very talented" I mean to say he also worked on movies like The Blood Beast Terror (1968), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), Witchfinder General (1968), When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970), Scars of Dracula (1970), Alien (1979), Warlords of the Deep (1978), Q: The Winged Serpent (1982), White Dog (1982), and The Hunger (1983). 

Nuff said. On to the very last film: The... stinger... if you will.

 

The Wasp Woman (1959) 

 

The Promise

creepy

Well this is a pretty bizarre poster, I gotta say. Kind of a cinch it's not going to deliver due to that bizarreness on it's own. Seems like it's giving more of a "this is what the film will feel like" kind of vibe rather than straight up promising a giant wasp-woman.

But I would surely have paid a few bucks back in the day to see a giant-ass wasp with a woman's head and face, clutching some poor devil as she reels him in to his demise. (Quint would've said "...reels him in to his demeeeeeeeese." If his character were in this film, I mean.) 

Anyway, as far as promises go we have the giant wasp. We have "a beautiful woman." A "lusting queen wasp." Then we've got a wee struggling man and a pile of bones. 

Promises fulfilled?

The Reality

(PPNF)

i kill men after cleaning their pipes with my pipe cleaner antenna

No. While Susan Cabot gives a fine performance (finer than the film itself, I think) this one is shakes out as PPNF on the lack of giant wasp-ness alone.

I mean, as far as the "beautiful woman" promise goes, Cabot delivers. She was both beautiful and quite talented. The "lusting queen wasp" promise - I don't remember lust playing into the film at all, to be honest. Well, not sexual lust. Probably they were going for blood-lusting queen wasp, though. Which we do get. 

And the wee struggling man atop pile of bones... I'm gonna say no again. It's been (quite) a few years since I've watched this one all the way through, but I'm not remembering an any-sized pile of human remains in the film, let alone a big ol' pile like the poster promises. 

And, of course, since there was no giant wasp in the movie we could have no wee man struggling in its clutches.

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And that's it, my friends. Our work here is done and the tally is:

PPF - 2

PPNF - 7

 

Until next time...