Friday, December 12, 2008

Blood Tide (1982)

James Earl Jones battles Rubber Monster Puppet, both lose in the end.

The Review

I counted 31 different releases of this movie for sale on - 28 on DVD and 3 on VHS. I'll bet that's about the number of folks who've actually watched it, too.

The movie's in the public domain, which explains the prolific number of releases - it's free for the taking. All a company has to do is pay for production costs, recover those through sale or shipping price and - Whallah - 100% profits.

You can find the film with a Google search for "download blood tide". If you want to. But if the folks who made it didn't bother to renew their copyright when it expired, well... that oughta tell you something.

I watched it because it was free. Right after I got my iPod, I went through this download-everything-free-whether-it's-good-or-not phase. So it's on my iPod.

The movie is an early-80s-feels-like-late-70s horror flick that was shot in Greece. Boils down to some treasure hunter (James Earl Jones) who accidentally lets a monster loose, and the locals start sacrificing virgins (actual virginity encouraged but not required) to keep it at bay.

And that's pretty much it.

James Earl Jones can usually be counted on to make anything he's in at least watchable. Not this time; even James couldn't carry the weight. If you took everything even remotely "plot-ish" from the film, and spliced it together, you'd have a movie that lasts, maybe, 15 minutes.

The other 67 minutes is just filler: beach-and-surf cavorting people, mysterious nuns, nighttime scuba divers, dark church hallways and scary-unseen-monster-music. And lots of stern looking villagers who glare at "outsiders", then turn and glare at each other.

There's a lot of glaring in this movie.

Oh, and a side-plot with some guy trying to find his sister before she sacrifices herself (?) to the monster. Even though (we learn) she's not a virgin.

Interestingly (kind of), during my count, I noticed a new (2008) reissue of the film on DVD boasting an MPAA rating of "Unrated" and a runtime of 125 minutes (as opposed to the usual "R" and 82 minutes). I can't imagine what the extra 43 minutes consists of....

So. James Earl Jones blows up the monster at the end. But, through a lack of planning, he also blows up himself. (Oh, um, belated Spoiler Alert....)

Bottom line - even though it's free, this movie's likely not worth your time to watch. Unless you're in bed with a cold, or recovering from having your wisdom teeth pulled or something.

Maybe then.


The Trailer

Couldn't find an online trailer for the film, but here's a little Earl Jones magic to demonstrate the film's flavor. And I apologize in advance, because Mr. Jones really is a fine actor....

The Details

James Earl Jones: Frye
José Ferrer: Nereus
Lila Kedrova: Sister Anna
Mary Louise Weller: Sherry Grice
Martin Kove: Neil Grice
Lydia Cornell: Barbara
Deborah Shelton: Madeline Grice
Sofia Seirli: Sister Elena
Despina Tomazani: Lethe's Mother
Rania Photiou: Lethe
Spyros Papafrantzis: Dionysis
Irini Tripkou: Virgin
Annabel Schofield: Vikki

Richard Jefferies

MPAA Rating
R (for some language and a topless virgin or two)

82 minutes

The myth is alive!



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